Idle Chats
by Stationary Flower
Summary: Naraku has a talk with the miko of the future... She likes to throw insults, he likes to skim the issues. Who knew they could talk to each other without blowing each other up? OOC slight beware.
1. Chapter I

**Summary:** Naraku has a talk with the miko of the future... She likes to throw insults; he likes to skim the issues. Who knew they could talk to each other without blowing each other up? Or.. they might blow each other up- not sure...

Author: Stationary Flower  
Rating: K+  
Series: InuYasha  
Pairing: I think it'll turn into Nar/ Kag.  
Chapter/ Part One: Discoveries and Confusion

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_Scene: Dungeon in Naraku's Castle_

"Who do you think you are?"

"I'm Cinderella's fairy godmother, I have holy powers and I could purify your butt off if these chains weren't on me," the girl responded coldly.

"Ah," he cooed as he paced in front of her, "but you are chained. Too bad, no? Wait, wait, wait..."A hand was held up for pause. "Who's Cinderella?"

"Not telling," she said as she twisted in the chains that bound her and a jolt of something akin to dark youki shot out. Kagome writhed in pain standing against the stone wall, willing her body to purify the dark energy, but nothing happened.

"Your powers are bound; you know that, but you still insist on damaging yourself." Naraku 'tsk'ed at her while continuing to pace.

"Better me than you, you evil thing, you!"

"Oh, such a _witty _comeback from such a witty girl..."

"Stop fooling around and tell me why you kept me alive!" The girl shouted in indignation. It was so frustrating to talk to this half demon. He liked to play word games and it was driving her mad; if she could have, she would have pulled out the hair on her head one strand at a time.

"Because I wanted you to? Sheesh, don't get your undies all in a bunch! So I blew up your friends and they- for once- didn't rise out of the smoke like ancient warriors. You may care, but I don't. So I absorbed InuYasha's powers; you may care, but I don't." He stopped to stare at her before he resumed pacing.

"I wonder..." she paused for dramatic effect.

"Hm?" Naraku absentmindedly questioned as he continued his pacing in front of her.

"Did the transformed Tetsusaiga get suck up your butt, 'cause you seem just a smidgen meaner than last week."

The half demon hissed vehemently. How did that puny little girl manage an insult like that while keeping a straight face? It didn't seem to fit into the laws of physics.

"No, it did not, you little-"

"_Oh_, don't say it unless 'it' is 'miko'... I do have a name. I do have a title. I'd prefer if those two references were the only ones you used," and she promptly turned her nose up at him and her head to the side.

_Wow, has she got attitude. Maybe killing the other shard collectors wasn't so brilliant- but.. I am so much stronger. I've taken over the Eastern Lands and the Northern Lands..._ "Okay. No, it did not, you little-" His voice became strangled as he tried not to spew out an insult. "-_miko_..."

"Hn. I guess that's better. Maybe we should try it again until it just flows smoothly. I like to converse with eloquent speakers so-" she was cut off.

"Well you're not eloquent. So why do you always talk to yourself?"

"What the-? When have I talked to myself? I've been talking with you, you numbskull!"

"All those previous times, when I'd be using Kanna's mirror to watch you and your friends. I saw you talking to yourself, so don't deny it," he chastised her.

"What the-? You have _got_ to be kidding me! You're arguing the point that I don't speak eloquently enough, so I shouldn't talk to myself? What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Oh, nothing's different than before. I'm still myself one hundred per cent. Except... well, I have the half demon's powers, and I own Tetsusaiga..-"

"I thought that thing was shoved up your butt. Guess not... Hey- wait! You're making me loose focus! The real issue is that you killed my friends!" she shot out anger lashing away from her in waves.

"My dear-" at her look, he corrected his unspoken mistake, "-_Kagome_, you just didn't help your friends. That's why they aren't around anymore. Quite a shame really. You're blaming me- which isn't right. See, I'm the enemy, so it's practically my _job_ to try and kill them. You... on the other hand, are on their side. You should have helped protect them."

"But Kagura had me unconscious! You're trying to mess with my head! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" She shouted back, shutting her eyes tightly and shaking her head.

"Ah...I don't mess with people's heads, I merely state the facts." Naraku smiled coyly. "So we can get back to the issue at hand. I killed your friends, blah, blah, blah... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera..."

"You have InuYasha's powers, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera... Oh, and Tetsusaiga is still up your butt, right? Hmm, what about-"

"It's not up my butt, you horrid little we-"

"Hey, no need for name-calling moron!"

"...What's a 'moron'?"

"Um... it's another term for demon. We use it in that form where I come from; it's **slang**..." Kagome was lying through her teeth and she knew it, but Naraku didn't so all was well with the world.

"Well, what's 'slang'?" the half demon asked slightly annoyed. _Where _is _she getting these words?_

"Slang's the way of saying a word- a shorter version of the word- which is usually a nickname."

"And what the bleep is a nickname?"

"Sheesh. Your mouth needs to be washed out with soap," she commented dryly.

"Soap is not used on one's mouth. You make no sense. Eh, back to the _issues_! You will surrender your holy powers so that I may use them as dark powers. Then I'll _let you go_..."

The young woman squirmed in her bonds. "Ah, I heard the way you said that! You want to kill me, you evil thing, you!" She glared as harshly as she knew how. After all, practice was used minutely on InuYasha...

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice. And so what if I want to kill you; I'm the bad guy remember, so stick with the script," Naraku sneered. "By the way... you already used the 'you evil thing, you' _insult_," he added mocking Kagome's voice.

"I don't sound like that, idiot."

"If I can't call you names then you can't call me names either," Naraku stopped his pacing to stare at her.

"Someone's got to, and since I was the first one to insult, I think I have all rights in this aspect." Her head bobbed in firm resolution.

"Whatever... You're still trying to keep me from the Shikon Jewel and that's not right. Since I've captured you, I think I deserve it. After all, you'll have no use for it in the grave."

Kagome snorted before breaking out into laughter. "What makes you think I'm just going kick the bucket when you say so? I'm the miko of the future, pea-brain!" She shouted as she gasped for air.

"What does 'kick the bucket' mean?"

"Oh my...gosh... It means 'to die', you idiot!"

"Stop with the insults, brat!" He shouted back. He was officially in a bad mood, layered by a headache, and he hadn't eaten since the girl had arrived in his miasma-coated castle.

This was a bad day...

"Oh, be quiet Naraku. Why don't we just both insult each other mutually. It's not like either of us is going to stop because the other says so..."

"Wow. You're rational. That's a fine quality in a young lady," Naraku commented in what seemed like honesty for once in his life.

"Are you analyzing me?" She asked in a panic. What a freak he was. How was she supposed to escape from this weirdo? She had always thought the half demon was calm, malicious, deceiving... What was wrong with this half demon?

She wasn't so sure she wanted to find out, she thought slightly, as she watched him continue to pace.

**To Be Continued... **


	2. Chapter II

**Summary:** Naraku has a talk with the miko of the future... She likes to throw insults; he likes to skim the issues. Who knew they could talk to each other without blowing each other up? Or.. they might blow each other up- not sure...

Author: Stationary Flower  
Rating: K+  
Series: InuYasha  
Pairing: I think it'll turn into Nar/ Kag.  
Chapter Two: Beauty Pageants and Waiting for Club Crackers

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_Scene: Dungeon in Naraku's Castle, again_

It had been two days since Naraku had first interrogated her- never mind the fact that they got way off topic- and she was fully exhausted. Oh, it was only that his stupid questions and incessant nagging about the Jewel were so-

"-stupid."

"What was that, dear?" The question was punctuated by the slam of the dungeon door.

"Nothing you ugly, old bat. Can I have a jacket? And some warm water? Maybe some crackers?" She hadn't even bothered to look at him.

"You are so audacious as to believe I would acquiesce your demands after such an insult," Naraku sneered. "But if only those cruel words could be used as cruel spells; you'd be so... perfect."

In the background, a faint gagging noise was heard, but the half demon paid no mind.

"Eww. Now I just imagined you as a bat. An ugly and old bat. What with that oh-so-ugly face yapping on and on about stupid plans. Eww," Kagome commented.

"Oh, stop it. Now for the hundredth time, give me the Shikon, girl!"

"Oh, stop it," she mocked, deepening her voice. "I have a name you arrogant SOB sucker of--"

"I don't... want to know what you planned to say... or what SOB means." He clenched his teeth in an effort not to scream- she, this... Kagome- she was so frustrating!

She glared at the black-haired male beauty. Yeah, she'd admit she thought he had an effeminate beauty to him. But what really bugged her about him was most likely because he was more beautiful than she was- and since she wasn't that gorgeous in the first place, that caused some conflicting emotions.

Not to mention the obvious.

Guys should never be prettier than girls.

It was just wrong.

While her wrists were still shackled above her head against the wall, Kagome shuddered. Guys being prettier than girls. Nasty concept. Oh, not that she had anything against guys that wore makeup back in her time. Or gays for that matter; she was cool with them. But Naraku?

Naraku was straight.

And still more _beautiful_ than any girl she'd ever seen, past or present.

And she promptly burst out laughing at the concept of Naraku in her time wearing drag. Her friends would fall head-over-heels for him if he were to be paraded around like that. The possibility of entering him into a beauty pageant for the Miss Tokyo of the Winter Festival sprung up immediately after, with a chibi Naraku strutting down a poorly crayon-drawn catwalk, in an imagination bubble.

"Oh, you don't, do you?" Kagome giggled.

The half demon's red eyes flashed dangerously as he eyed her suspiciously. Something was obviously wrong with this girl. She was a mental case! She was laughing like a lunatic, and aside from the fact that she was mumbling incoherently about women's clothing on men, it was obvious from the gleam in her eyes that she was in another world.

Another quiet chuckle broke him from his thoughts. "I can't believe it! Aren't you supposed to be smart?" She shouted. "SOB's an acronym! It stands for Son Of a Bi–"

"Shut up!" Naraku interrupted her suddenly, a growl escaping his throat unwarranted. He knew what the next word was supposed to be.

"Something wrong, sweetie?" The chained girl sneered uncharacteristically. "Can't take a dose of your own medicine?"

No, no. _Not again! _How- again, how was it possible to have these insults come from such a supposedly pure being? It just wasn't fair! Why couldn't he be a bit more creative when he was in a bad mood? Naraku began pacing in front of her again when he got closer, just as he had done two days prior.

"_No._ Nothing is wrong, _shnookems_." Where the heck did that come from!

Kagome laughed abruptly, making the cold dark lord trip on a stone. This game of sorts that they had come to play was so entertaining, Kagome supposed, as neither of them knew what the other was thinking or would say next. She didn't even know what _she_ would say next!

"Aww, you care for me that much, darling?" The chained girl cooed.

"No, you little b–"

"Hey! What did I say about name-calling, dimwit?" She spat out vehemently.

"Oh, you want to play this way, eh? Well fine you little slut! Prancing around in your pathetic clothes!"

"Ooo, don't you even **go** there! At least I don't sleep around like you do, you wannabe pimp, man who-"

She was silenced by a hand covering her mouth, pressing none-too-gently. Painfully bruising in fact. And the only thing she could think of to do was bite back with vengeance.

Literally bite.

Kagome, the miko from the future, found out that Naraku didn't just bleed like any other living creature, but he also yelped like a prissy little girl. The screech that emanated from the surprised half demon's mouth was piercing and revolting to the ears.

"Oh don't be so whiny! You heal quicker than anyone I know! Even Sesshoumaru was slower than you!"

He stopped his cursing abruptly. It sounded vaguely like she was trying to comfort him... How strange. No matter where she was, or the situation she had placed herself in, she still retained that horrible innocence that attracted pathetic demons from across the land. For some reason, Naraku found that slightly endearing.

_Oh, nasty thoughts!_ He screamed silently at himself. What was wrong with him? This little witch was doing something horrible to him! It was time to put a stop to this, he thought, composing himself.

"Well, thank you for the cheer-up, girl, but I don't need it. I know that I'm superior to even that self-righteous and egotistical demon lord," he huffed and turned his nose up.

"Well fine then, you jerk!" Kagome shouted back twisting so she looked at one of the dungeon cell walls rather than his childish attitude.

"I'm not a jerk, you brat!" He retaliated.

"I'm no brat, you- you, you... you evil thing, you!" She could only come up with.

Oh, the woes of no food for two and a half days...

"So clever! I wish I had your intelligence, Kagome," Naraku sneered before turning around and walking five steps to the door.

"Oh sod off, you pea-brain! Now why can't you treat me with some decency? I'm, like... sacred too! I can find the last jewel shards! Remember, there's still a chunk missing..." She batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly when he turned and faced her.

"'Sod off'? That term... Where did you learn that? And, what in the seven levels of hell does it mean?" He growled.

"Here's a simpler way of saying it! Piss off, you fruitcake!" Her dark brown eyes somehow lit up in the dark, glowing menacingly.

"Why don't you?" He shouted back.

"Because I told you to first, you imbecile!"

He huffed, scowling, to which the girl returned all too happily. "I'll be back later for you!" With that he slammed the dungeon door and left the miko in inky darkness.

_Well good riddance to the loser with a god complex..._

**To Be Continued...

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**Review, por favor!**


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